Sometimes...Sometimes I think it might be better if we just moved away. Family has been mostly what is keeping us here, but now I'm thinking why even bother. It has been one fight, one frustration after another. Now that Travis is finished with school, we are seriously considering selling our house and packing it up. I would say at least 85% of my problem is stemmed from family issues, and I am just tired of the whole thing. We just want to be happy, and raise our son to be happy too. He is going to be old enough soon to remember things, and I don't want him to carry around comments and hurt feelings the way I have/do.
One time he was crying because he was tired. "If you keep crying, those truck drivers coming down the road are going to laugh at you." I don't want him thinking if he does something wrong he'll be laughed at. I have grown up thinking that if I'm not perfect in any given situation, I'll be laughed at. He won't.
He won't be growing up being upset during every birthday party he has because our family can't get past themselves for 5 minutes and put their differences aside and come to his party regardless of who is there. I've had to do it. And if that ticks you off, don't read my blog!
He won't grow up depressed all the time, and feeling like everything is his fault. Oh, Grandma's mad, it must be my fault. No, I don't think so. I have, he won't.
He won't be growing up listening to the family arguing everyday. And he won't be around those who call a couple times a month only to bring up things to start trouble and try to make others miserable like they are.
The fact is, I hate it here. I am so tired of only being here because I feel like if I move away I'll be letting my family down. I don't know that it will be much better anywhere else, but I will have the choice to be around who I want to be.
Sorry for the downer, but I had to get that off my chest.
