Diaries Of A Trophy Wife

A lesson in etiquette

I believe that having good manners is the key in fellowship, be it with family or friends. Lately I'm feeling as though that some people have totally forgotten how to behave toward others with kindness and respect. I was always told that a person only knows what they are taught, so it might be helpful to give a lesson, or several, for those of you who know not. To start, here are a few helpful definitions.

Etiquette: The practices and forms prescribed by social convention or by authority. One aspect of decorum, is the code that governs the expectations of social behavior, the conventional norm. It is an unwritten code, but it may be codified in written form. Etiquette usually reflects formulas of conduct in which society or tradition have invested. An etiquette reflects the underlying ethical code itself. Like "culture", it is a word that has gradually grown plural, especially in a multi-ethnic society with many clashing expectations. Thus, it is now possible to refer to "an etiquette" or "a culture", realizing that these may not be universal.

For further reading on etiquette please go here.

Loyalty: faithfulness or a devotion to a person or cause. Steadfast in allegiance to one's homeland, government, or sovereign. Faithful to a person, and ideal, a custom, or a duty. Feelings of devoted attachment and affection. Fidelity, trustworthiness, constancy, integrity, sincerity, adherence, bond, tie, honor, reliability, good faith, conscientiousness,dependability, commitment, support, earnestness, obedience, duty, truthfulness, devotion.

When you look up the word loyalty on the Internet, Wikipedia says this, "Loyalty evolved as fellow-feeling for one's family, gene-group and friends. Loyalty comes most naturally amongst small groups or tribes where the prospect of the whole casting out the individual seems like the ultimate, unthinkable rejection." Hmmm.

Here is the way I look at it. Family always comes before friends. You are genetically linked to these people and therefore they should be the first to step up for you. Or if you are married into a family the same should be true. Family is a social "tribe" where you fight for each other and do not want anyone left behind or to do without or to be mistreated, etc. The same is true with families within the family. (Like Travis and I in the Gibson/McCoy family) Travis and I make sure each other come first in our social world. Next, would come his brothers and their families. Just like Jason and Kassie should make sure they each come first as well as their daughter, Emily. After that, then if the situation should arise it would be the loyal thing to help out or stick up for or whatever needs done for me or Travis or for Tony and Jodie (Travis' other brother and his wife), just like we would do for either of them. Is any of this making sense? Being loyal shows you care. Taking a friend over a family member is just wrong.

Here is an example of my so called loyalty chart:
Travis
My Parents
Travis' brother's and sister and their families
My best friend
A really good friend
A good friend
A friend
An acquaintance

This is the way I was taught.