Who's Standards?
When my friend Anna was over on Sunday we were talking about someone's blog who wrote about how we set our own standards to match everyone else's or only to make other people happy. I never really thought that much about it, but it is so true. I want to lose weight. Why? Cause everyone's standard is skinny? The right reason would be for myself, for health reasons. But that's not why, and I doubt it's that way for most people who want to lose weight. The reason is probably more like being able to fit in our society, to be attractive for someone, or to be like someone else who you want to be like.
One problem that I personally have really struggled with is, do I work, or do I stay at home and take care of my family? There is definitely a double standard for this one. When you work, you are looked at by stay at home wife's and mothers like you are horrible for leaving your husband and children to work. Or when they are at your house, you are a bad wife/mother because you have dirty laundry that hasn't been washed yet, or dirty dishes in the sink, or your carpet needs vacuumed. There is always something that makes me feel like I don't measure up to that standard when I work. On the other hand, when I don't have a job, I feel like a lazy loser. I can't even have a job and help support my family. I'm just at home doing nothing (even though I am doing the cleaning/cooking routine) watching tv, having someone else support me. Then I start feeling bad because my husband has to get up early and work so hard everyday, and here I am. Then, there's always that person you haven't seen for a long time who inevitably asks, "What are you doing for a living now?" and I have to say, nothing. And I get a look of pity and they just say, "Oh." like its a bad thing. Once again, there is always something that makes me feel like I don't measure up to that standard when I'm at home.
My point is, this is a really good thing to think about. Who's standards are you trying to live up to? It really puts things into perspective.
4 comments:
I totally see where you are coming from on the whole working and taking care of a home thing. I know that I only work about 20 hours a week on average but I still work 5 days a week and even if I only work 4 hours on one day, it still sucks to have to come home and do laundry, cook, clean , etc. I worry when people come over and there is stuff around the house that is not done but sometimes when I get home from work, I just want to sit and watch TV and not have to do a bunch of other crap, too. I figure, the laundry will still be there tomorrow so why do I have to do it now? And I don't expect Adam to do it because he works long, hard hours. But you know what? Who cares if there are a few dishes in the sink or some dust bunnies on the TV stand or (in my house) cat fur all over the rug. My house is my home and I live in it which means it is going to get dirty. It is not a museum and I don't want it to be that way.
And the whole not working thing, I think as long as you are happy then that is all that matters, working or not. If anyone that you haven't seen in a long time asks what you are doing just say, "I am lucky enough to not have to work because I have a great husband who works hard so that I am able to take care of our home." And if they don't like it, well poop on them:-)
Good point you've got here. I tend to think less of what other people think of me and more about what I think of myself. I believe that if you are happy, then it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks (provided you're not hurting someone in the process).
By the way, I love your garage doors.
My standards are set mostly be myself. I try to push myself to always do better than i think i can do. At work, I try to always do better than the day before. To get more done, get it done faster, or do it better. At home, I'm alsways trying to improve my surroundings. My garage, my house, and so on. I guess i am competing with myslef. I thirst for knowledge, but want to gain that knowledge by my own trial and error. I guess it just makes me feel more confident in myself if i learn from doing and not being told how.
I dont know if being tis way is a good thing or bad thing, but i do know that it has changed the way i handle different situations. I use to question myself when i was second guessed by someone else. Now, when i'm asked if i'm sure thats how i want to do it, I just say "Yes, thats how I want to do it" and if i screw up, then next time i'll do it different.
I try not to let other people influence what i do, say or think. Everyone is different, and we all have our own opinion. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy. And sometimes that takes some major changes in life, including ATTITUDE. Determination drives us to excel. The moment you think you can't do it, YOU NEVER WILL. I hope this all made sense.
My standards are set mostly be myself. I try to push myself to always do better than i think i can do. At work, I try to always do better than the day before. To get more done, get it done faster, or do it better. At home, I'm alsways trying to improve my surroundings. My garage, my house, and so on. I guess i am competing with myslef. I thirst for knowledge, but want to gain that knowledge by my own trial and error. I guess it just makes me feel more confident in myself if i learn from doing and not being told how.
I dont know if being tis way is a good thing or bad thing, but i do know that it has changed the way i handle different situations. I use to question myself when i was second guessed by someone else. Now, when i'm asked if i'm sure thats how i want to do it, I just say "Yes, thats how I want to do it" and if i screw up, then next time i'll do it different.
I try not to let other people influence what i do, say or think. Everyone is different, and we all have our own opinion. You can't make everyone happy, but you can make yourself happy. And sometimes that takes some major changes in life, including ATTITUDE. Determination drives us to excel. The moment you think you can't do it, YOU NEVER WILL. I hope this all made sense.
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